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'Twas the Night Before Morning

Posted by Jessica James on

'Twas the Night Before Morning

In 2008 I went to live with a good friend of mine on her 800 acre sheep ranch in Montana.

It was no surprise when a very long winter rolled into town and this little New Mexican girl got a cold (- 40º weather does that to me). I had the potential and possibility of looking like a red-faced, puffy-eyed Pillsbury Dough Boy, but luckily I had my *Hay Asz at hand. When taken as needed, I was my normal, happy, healthy self. Bring on your worst, Montana!

Late one night I woke up (kind of) and reached to my nightstand for a few more Hay Asz so I could stay on top of things, but I accidentally grabbed 6 **Klean Lax instead…

The events that followed that handful of laxatives inspired this poem:

Twas the Night Before Morning

'Twas the night before morning when all through the house
My guts started rumbling like I’d eaten a mous'e.
At 4:30 am I awoke with a start
I thought I had gas but it wasn't a…
I rushed to the toilet and sat down real fast
Only just in time to dispose of my…gas
Then I shivered and heaved and tried not to spew,
Was afraid to get up and mess down my shoes.
I mustered some courage and pulled up my pants,
Bundled up warm for the second round then started to dance.
I staggered to the front room to grab a warm blanket,
Then sat back on the throne with the runs until I could shake it.
All comfy and cozy and dreaming of my bed,
While thoughts of dead food danced in my head.
"Now chicken, now pork, now cow and deer too,
More hotdogs, more turkey, and more Klean Lax too."
Into the toilet it flew with a clatter!
I was afraid roommates would come to see what was the matter.
30 minutes later, transparent, and wiped (hehe, funny pun)
I had used all the aerosol and was a ghastly sight.
Mouth hanging open, my nose hair seared,
Head hanging down and eyes all teared,
I plopped on my bed, having given up the fight.
Christmas was soon and I wanted to sleep through the night.
I thought my insides were finished throwing their fit…
Then just moments later I found myself mumbling, "oh… poo”

 

Moral of the story:

It’s true that if you take enough laxatives you will do everything in your power not to sneeze, but Hay Asz is a much less torturous way to fix the sniffles.

* Hay Asz (which happens to be a phenomenal herbal formula that is used for colds, flu, allergies, hay fever, asthma, etc. You can take 2 to 6 capsules as often as every 15 minutes).

** Klean Lax (an incredibly effective herbal laxative. It is efficient enough that you can start with 1 capsule and work your way up from there as needed)

 

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